Valley heat is back in Sacramento, and my family and friends have abandoned California for Hawaii. So here I am in Sacramento. I climb into the cold water of our Jacuzzi and sit there until my fingers and toes turn into prunes. I pretend I’m in ocean water. I also pretend not to take it personal that none of them offered to take me with them.
Stuck in 100+ Degrees
Let me tell you about the valley heat. Usually, it’s here around July and August, but for some reason it’s now here in May of this year and breaking all kinds of records. Face it. You want athletes and Olympians to break records–not the weather. And here are the common symptoms of valley heat:
- You take a walk around 9:30 a.m., and within an hour, your face and scalp are saturated with sweat . Your clothes stick to your back and legs.
- From noon to about 4 p.m., you want to crawl under a rock.
- Flowers and plants wilt. Or maybe they’re wilting because California is still in severe drought mode. Or maybe it’s a combination of heat and the lack of water.
- If you have plants in pots instead of them being directly in the ground, you are a slave to them because you have to water them every day. If not, those plants will wilt and the die in the heat.
- You buy sunscreen in bulk. You have a wardrobe of hats.
- The creatures (rats and other wildlife) and bugs (mosquitoes, ants, aphids, etc.) don’t need an invitation to join your world.
- Some people enjoy the sun and the valley heat. The rest of us complain and snarl or snap at one another.
Gifts to Tame this Pouting Woman
The nerve of my family and friends. They stay in Hawaii from one to three weeks. Sometimes, they don’t even tell me that they’re going! They just leave and don’t say anything until they come back.
Call me a tourist. Call me a traveler. I don’t care. As a rule, I don’t ask any of these people to bring me anything from their travels. Why? Well, because it’s rude. If you want something from a certain destination, go there yourself and buy it.
Souvenirs are a waste of money because they collect dust or finally end up at Goodwill or any charity thrift shop. And stopping to buy postcards and finding a place to mail them is a waste of time. Anyone who frequently travels does not want to be tied down. You don’t stop and waste your time at a gift shop looking for trinkets because someone back home wants something. Wants to live vicariously through your travels.
Anyway, I don’t mind getting travel gifts if people are willing to give them to me. How thoughtful is that?
Hawaiian Shortbread Cookies and a Boy Toy Calendar from Hawaii
In my family, I have two fellas I can depend on for gifts from their Hawaiian vacations. They know I will be just tickled to receive anything they give me. I jump up and down and dance around the room. Can you blame me?
I admire an attractive package. I have the gene for it. My mother, brother and I all admire attractive bags and boxes. In fact, in the 80s, I used to work in the gift wrap section of two Sacramento department stores during Christmas. I discovered this obsession with wrapping paper, decorative gift bags, ribbon, and Christmas ornaments.
So now me and Mister Jack have these yummy Hawaiian shortbread cookies to fight over. And this 2015 Men of Hawaii (starting with November 2014) is just for me. I need to find a place to hang this calendar now.
I may be married and turning 56 at the end of the month, but I am not dead. At my age, I am an old married lady who will alwaysl appreciate beefcake.
Can’t Make it to Hawaii this Year?
Don’t feel bad. Of course, you can always order online. Here are two links for some of the many popular tourism products that support the state and the people of Hawaii: